Sleepless in Colorado
by bets2010
Summary: As a trainee in the department of mysteries, Lily Potter is sent to an American muggle town to learn how to go undercover. What happens when her brother and his git of a best friend decide to tag along? Includes special guest stars from comedy central ;
1. Chapter 1

AN: I'm not sure if this should be a crossover but I'm just posting this here by default. I got this idea watching comedy central tonight :P Let me know what y'all think… especially of the special guest stars ;)

Lily Luna Potter glared at her brother and his best friend as they apparated behind her with a crack and a pop. She loved her brother, but why he and his git of a friend had decided to tag along on her training mission was beyond her.

'You're not even _in_ the Department of Mysteries, Al'

"Hey, it wasn't my idea. I had to tag along to make sure you didn't accidentally kill Scor. Wouldn't want to haul my own sister to Azkaban" Albus Potter raised his hands defensively. Lily had her grandmother's temper and her father and grandfather's talent for creative hexes. Why Scorpius had chosen to incur her wrath _so many times _while they were at Hogwarts was beyond him. Albus felt that part of his speed could be attributed to the number of times he had had to run to the hospital wing with his friend's homework.

'And _YOU_… you don't even WORK in the ministry! What the bloody hell does a curse breaker need to know how to go undercover for?' Lily's hazel eyes flashed at the tall blond standing behind her, ignoring the slight thump in her chest as she looked up into those stormy grey eyes.

Scorpius Malfoy couldn't control the tiny smirk forming on his lips. The way her hazel eyes flashed never failed to evoke a reaction from him. Even when he had met her on the train in his second year, Albus Potter's sister had been levitating Crabbe for bullying her friend. He'd known then that she was something special, unfortunately being his best mate's sister had made her off limits to him. It didn't stop him from hexing/fighting every boy that got near her while they were at Hogwarts, though.

"I had to keep an eye on you, Potter. Who knows what these big, bad American muggles would do to the littlest Potter?" Scorpius knew he was asking to be hexed, but he also knew part of her training was to live without magic and blend in with the muggles for a month. He was counting on the fact that landing her dream job meant more to her than turning him into a chicken (which she had done in her third year at Hogwarts, anyway). Sure enough, Lily narrowed her hazel eyes and clenched her fists.

'You're bloody lucky I can't use my wand, Malfoy'

"Besides" he whispered in her ear "Albus hadn't been taking the breakup with Sophie very well. I thought a month in a different country would do him good"

Lily looked up in surprise. She had always known Scorpius to be a good friend to her brother – which was why it always surprised her when he bullied Xander and the other Gryffindor boys at school. She hadn't realized, however, that there could have been an altruistic motive to Scorpius' insistent medding in her life (this time at least). She turned and looked at her brother. Albus Potter was handsome as usual, but there was a slight sadness in his grin. His green eyes seemed to lack that usual spark of mischief. Not for the first time that week, Lily Potter cursed Sophia Creevey. That social climber had glommed on to Al the minute they left Hogwarts, and catching her in bed with Eric Finnigan had been difficult for him, to say the least. Leaning forward, she gave her brother a hug.

'You deserved _way_ better than her, anyway. She just got her second nose job'

"Second nose job? She's only had one" Albus was suspicious. Lily's friend Hannah at the healing academy had (somewhat gleefully) told him of the first time his girlfriend had gone in for plastic surgery (apparently the minute she was of age). He hadn't heard of any _new_ procedures, however.

'Oh, this wasn't cosmetic… she actually needed it. You'll find her at St. Mungo's if you want to go laugh in her face or something'

"She.. needed it?" Scorpius Malfoy was holding back a laugh. Knowing Lily Potter as he did, Scorpius had a pretty good idea of what had happened to the girl. Even Albus was trying to look strict as he fought the grin that was slowly forming on his face.

The three teenagers, adults in the wizarding world, walked towards a large, empty building.

"It looks like the silver trio's back in action" Albus Potter turned towards his sister and best friend with a slight smile on his face. Since leaving Hogwarts, and rushing into his disastrous relationship with Sophia, Albus hadn't spent much time with either. When his sister joined the ministry, he had been hoping to see more of her, but her first round of training had her stationed in Colorado for a month. It had taken a lot of arguing and arm twisting to get his superiors to give him a month off to accompany his sister, but he supposed having his father as the head of his department helped. That and apprehending that crazy death eater wannabe last week. He was proving his worth to the department, and they were willing to give him whatever he needed to keep him.

Scorpius Malfoy turned towards the girl next to him and smiled. Her red gold hair glinted in long waves cascading down her back. She shivered slightly from the chill, as he instinctively put his arm around her shoulders. With his distinctive Malfoy smirk, he spoke softly, "Well, tomorrow we'll find out if South Park High School is ready for Lily Luna Potter"

AN: Review please For reference: Lily is 18 in this story, Scor and Al are 19. She's just finished Hogwarts and started training at her new job.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I'm going to set this up with the other guest characters too. This should probably have been a crossover, but oh well. Disclaimer though- I'm trying to stay TTC with the south park characters, so forgive the occasional vulgarity.

'You made us late, fatass'

"Well _excuse_ me for not wanting to miss the most important meal of the day, Jew"

Stan Marsh pinched his nose as his best friend bickered with the stocky senior. The four boys were hurrying to enter the school just before the late bell when they heard the loud roar of a motorcycle.

"Must be a new guy in school.. Ginger from the looks of that ponytail. Hey Kyle, maybe he can be your new best friend"

'Shut up fatass' Kyle Broflovski was in no mood to humor Eric Cartman that morning. First he had _insisted_ that he would drive them to school in his junky "new" jalopy _"__We__'__ll__be__so__cool,__you__guys__"_. Then he had taken forever to finish his ten pancakes, five pop tarts and three donuts. When Kyle, Stan and Kenny had complained about being late, Cartman insisted that since he was their ride, they had to 'respect his authorit-ah'. Sometimes he wondered how the fatass had even made it to senior year without getting kicked out.

"Dude.. you'll see her in class. You can ask her during lunch" Stan thumped his dejected friend on the back. He was fuming at Cartman too, but knew it was pointless sometimes. Stan Marsh had spent enough time around Eric Cartman to know that it was just too much to expect him to be _considerate_ for a day. The only time Cartman acted remotely human was around Annie, and even that consisted of him shutting up and not saying anything.

'Whatever dude. It just wasn't meant to be, that's all' The four boys headed for their homeroom, Stan and Kenny exchanging frustrated glances behind their friend's back.

Lily Luna Potter smiled to herself as she parked her father's old motorcycle perfectly. She had left Albus and Scorpius at the shopping mall to buy some muggle art supplies. Her cover was going to be that she had moved to Colorado with her brother and his friend, who were artists. She _had_ been assigned to pose as an exchange student living in a Stan Marsh's house, but Scorpius had protested rather loudly to her father. So, Lily was going to make him paint and sculpt in a horrible exaggerated French accent. She had even insisted they buy berets and turtlenecks. It was going to be an interesting month, that was for sure.

Tossing her red gold ponytail, she entered the classroom, coloring slightly as she noticed all the pairs of eyes staring at her. Her first day at Hogwarts had been so long ago, and she had made friends almost instantly. She moved to sit at an empty spot beside a quartet of girls who looked friendly enough, even though the one with the long black hair and the curly haired blonde were eyeing her slightly suspiciously.

'Hey look you guys, it's a little girl Ginger. Hey ginger, did you come here just to hit on Kyle?'

Lily turned and fixed her best hazel death glare at the fat senior sitting at the back of the class. A tall boy with dark red hair whacked his friend, swearing loudly. On his other side, a tall, toned seventeen year old with spiky black hair and deep grey eyes flashed her an apologetic smile and mouthed a quick "I'm sorry." Lily felt her cheeks burn slightly. He was attractive. She gasped as her gaze fell to the blond on his right in the orange parka. She knew him.

'What's the matter, ginger? Cat got your tongue? Oh wait, your species probably doesn't have one!'

"Species.. that is a big word isn't it?" Lily glared at the tubby teenager again, regaining her composure.

'Hey, listen to that guys… she's British! You guys? You guys?' Eric Cartman tried desperately to get his friends to tease the new girl. Unfortunately, Stan, Kyle and Kenny seemed to be shooting her appreciative smiles. These _children_.. show them a pretty face and a nice rack and they forgot who their friends were. It _almost_ made Cartman want to go off in search of more mature friends again. Almost.

Lily Potter clenched her fist as her hand flew instinctively to her pocket. Not being able to hex for a month was going to be _hard_ if she was going to be stuck in school with this git. Merlin, he made Tom Goyle look like an absolute saint. She sighed in relief as their teacher, a strange bald man holding a puppet entered the class.

Wendy Testaberger wasn't sure what to make of the new girl. On one hand, she seemed perfectly nice, and to be able to get the best of Cartman, which was definitely handy. On the other… Wendy hadn't liked the way Stan had looked at her when she entered the classroom. This new girl was clearly beautiful, and seemed as though she could give Wendy a run for her money when it came to dealing with the boys. Sighing, Wendy regretted, for the millionth time in the last three years, breaking up with her elementary school boyfriend at the start of freshman year. She had thought she'd needed to spend high school exploring, dating several boys, and she had. But she still got a pang in her stomach whenever she looked at those stormy grey eyes.

At lunchtime, Lily Potter marched up to the little quartet of boys sitting at the center of the cafeteria.

'Can I help you?' Eric Cartman flashed her a smarmy grin. She was very pretty for a ginger.

"No, but I'm here to help you" Lily flashed her most dangerous smile. The last time she had smiled at someone like that, Vincent Crabbe had been in diapers for a week.

'Of course you are' slightly cocky, Eric Cartman stood up. Before his friends could stop him, a pair of chubby hands had fastened themselves around Lily's waist and pulled her into a very unwanted hug.

"Dude.. are you ok?" Kyle Broflovski and Kenny McCormick were stifling laughs as they pulled their friend to his feet, handing him a steak for his eye. Lily Potter may not have had her wand handy, but growing up around her brothers and cousins had given her a mean right hook.

'What do you mean you have detention? I – I mean Al and I were going to take you for a picnic dinner by the mountains' Scorpius Malfoy was upset as he talked into his two way mirror. Lily had given it to him in her first year as a birthday present. Her brother had apparated back to London for his Auror physical at St. Mungo's, and Scorpius had been planning on spending some quality time with Lily.

"I told you, I punched someone during lunch, and his friend Stan invited me to the arcade with them after dinner."

'So you're going out in with someone who provoked you to violence?' Scorpius was a little incredulous. That girl would be the death of him someday.

"I'm not going out _with_ him. Stan invited me."

Scorpius' felt slightly sick at the second mention of this _Stan_person. What did Lily want with an American muggle anyway? He wouldn't even be able to hex this one – it wouldn't be fair to use magic on a muggle.

"Besides, I need to get close to these boys. There's something about that one.. Kenny I think his name was"

'Kenny?' Scorpius scoffed. What kind of a person would be named Kenny? It rhymed Fanny, which was a girls name. Scorpius was aware that he wasn't _exactly_ acting his age, but at that point, he couldn't really help it. He scoffed again.

"It's not what you're thinking, Score"

Scorpius was silent as he waited for Lily to continue. Despite their longstanding friendship, Lily hadn't called him Score since her fifth year at Hogwarts, when he had started hexing her boyfriends. Or beating them up. Usually both.

"It's just… I've seen him before"

AN: Review and tell me what you think! I'm really having second thoughts about continuing this fic.


	3. Chapter 3

'And when I asked if he'd been to Britain before, his face just froze!' Lily Potter was recounting her encounter with Kenny McCormick to her brother's best friend. It was a Saturday, and Albus had apparated to London, complaining about having to squish on the motorcycle with Lily and Scorpius. Being unable to apparate around was difficult, and public transport was near nonexistent. After a particularly bumpy ride home from dinner the night before, Albus Potter had had enough, and was going to see about getting them other forms of transportation.

Scorpius and Lily, meanwhile, had taken the opportunity to go for a picnic on the mountains. Lily hadn't seen that much clean snow since Hogwarts – snow usually turned to grey slush within a couple of hours in the city. Scorpius had been struck silent for a few moments at the sight of Lily dashing about in the snow, the white powder a sharp contrast to her red gold locks. The Malfoy smirk spread across his face as Lily turned her back to him, chattering about the view. He had packed some snow into a large, fluffy ball, and let it fly. Lily Potter's wide eyed look of surprise and evil grin was reminiscent of their Hogwarts days, when they had lead Gryffindor/Slytherin snowball fights every winter.

Several snow fights, snow wizards, and snow angels later, Lily and Scorpius were huddled in a thick blanket in front of an outdoor fire, nursing flasks of hot cocoa and roasting marshmallows. It was almost strange, spending proper time together after so long – at Hogwarts, they had always been accompanied by her brother and after, they had only seen each other and Potter/Weasley or Malfoy family parties. Lily rather enjoyed talking to Scorpius when he wasn't being a git, and he seemed genuinely curious about her new friends and the strange things Muggles seemed to do with their time. It was good to talk to someone about the mystery surrounding Kenny McCormick, too.

"And you're _sure_ it was him you saw at the ministry? You weren't just imagining something? You know how the area around that veil is – it _has_ been known to cause visual hallucinations at times" Scorpius was gentle, and curious. The boy in question seemed to be undoubtedly muggle – what would he even be DOING in Wizarding Britain, anyway?

'I didn't just see him. He pinched my bum' Lily glared at the memory, raising her eyebrow as she felt Scorpius tense against her slightly.

"I see these muggles you're hanging out with are real gentlemen" Scorpius' tone was dry as he attempted to conceal his annoyance. It was strange, despite not seeing her much, his feelings for her had pretty much remained the same as they had been during his Hogwarts days. He hadn't bothered with dating much after graduation – every Potter or Malfoy gathering had reminded him of how _no_ girl would ever be as smart, kind, brash, and mischievous as _his_Lily. Truthfully, he had been looking for an opportunity to talk to Albus about his feelings for his little sister for awhile now. He wasn't going to say anything to Lily without his friend's blessing, but he knew his feelings for the girl weren't going to go away. Merlin knew he had tried.

'Shut up Scor' Lily punched him playfully in the arm. It was strange – he still heckled her sometimes and by Dumbledore he _still_ got on her nerves, but in the week since they had set up house in America, Lily found herself laughing more often than not at his sarcasm. The way he teased her about her friends wasn't new, but (possibly because he couldn't hex them) the fact that he _wasn__'__t_interfering and picking fights with Stan and the others was refreshing. 'Stan and Kyle are perfect gentlemen. Kenny's a perv and Eric… let's not even go there'

"That bad?"

'Think Crabbe AND Goyle, only more stupid and less attractive'

"Ouch. This was the one you punched on your first day?"

Lily blushed slightly. She was supposed to be blending in, not standing out. Although since she hadn't hexed him, she wasn't in any trouble with her superiors at the ministry but Merlin… Uncle Dudley seemed more informed than that ponce. Lily knew she was going to have to be careful around him. The last thing she needed was a case of accidental magic while in training.

Scorpius smirked slightly. He had always thought that Lily looked especially pretty when she blushed. Today, the cold was already reddening her cheeks and her nose, and he was enjoying having her huddled next to him for warmth (she couldn't use any heating spells and she didn't _have_ to know he'd brought his wand). She was looking at him kind of strangely, too, blushing more as she stared. Scorpius shivered as a small thrill went down his spine. Having her this close to him, for this long, was _doing_ things to him. There was so little space between them, it would just take a slight turn of the head to press his lips against hers. He eyed her full pink lips, glossy from balm, chattering slightly from the cold.

'S-scor?' Lily blushed as she looked up at the man next to her. She hadn't been this _close_ to Scorpius Malfoy before. Had his eyes always been that shade of grey? Cuddled up next to him, Lily was remembering what had made her have a crush on him in her first year. Before he started being a git, that is.

Scorpius was silent. His heart hammered as he bent his face towards hers, feeling a jolt of hope as he saw her leaning up. He moved slowly, unsure, giving her every opportunity to push him away if she so chose. He paused when his lips were a breath away, a question in his eyes. Noting her slight, almost imperceptible nod, he was about to close the gap between them when –

OY!

AN: Don't hate me! I know the chapter's super short, but it was necessary to end here!


	4. Chapter 4

Albus Potter frowned slightly. His best friend and sister had been awkward and jumpy in the two days since their little outing to the mountains. He had been aware of and disturbed by his friend's "thing" for Lily since their Hogwarts days; now, especially after the Sophie debacle, Albus found himself admiring his friend's constancy. He'd pretended to go off to London in a huff to search for new transportation, but he'd really been hoping to give them a day to themselves. Besides, having lunch with Hannah Longbottom after picking up the restored Ford Anglia had been pleasant. She had barely said two words to him in Hogwarts, but she had been assigned to assist the healers on every one of his Auror check ups at St. Mungo's. She was kind to him, she paid attention to him, she seemed to find his fascination with puns funny – Sophie had looked bored whenever he had tried to crack a joke or two. He felt, however, that he had arrived back in the States at an inopportune moment. When he had called Scorpius on their two way mirrors, his face had been flushed and his glare murderous. And the git barely seemed able to speak two words to Lily ever since.

'Lils… Phone' Albus called out to his sister – holding the muggle device as he noticed his best friend's head jerk up from the paper he was trying to read. Albus hid a smile – Scorpius had _never_ been interested in muggle news. And he complained constantly that the pictures didn't move.

"Oh, hi STAN" Lily emphasized the name loudly, ignoring the slight thump in her chest as she felt a pair of grey eyes on her. Malfoy was a _git_. He had been a git in Hogwarts, and he was a git now. After Albus' call, Scorpius had stammered something about them having to get home and followed her on the motorcycle, silently. He'd even been willing to risk being flung off by clutching the sides of the seat instead of wrapping his arms around Lily's waist, as he usually did. Lily had ridden over several potholes on purpose; she was so enraged. And the _wanker_ hadn't been in the same room as her in over 24 hours – not that she was counting.

Scorpius was surly as he cursed his cowardly Slytherin genes. Lily Potter was barely speaking to him, not that he could blame her. After very suavely running off, Scorpius wasn't sure what he could do to make things up to her. Or, more accurately, what he could say. 'Hi Lily, So sorry your clueless prat of a brother interrupted, can we pick up where we left off? By the way I've fancied you since my fifth year.' Scorpius snorted. Not bloody likely. He thought it better to avoid Lily for the moment, anyway. The last thing he needed was for her to lose her dream job because she had hexed his sorry arse into the middle of next year when she was supposed to be living as a muggle. That didn't mean Stan Marsh or those other muggle twats had a right to move in on her, though. Scorpius glared over the paper full of muggle news rubbish. Who cared that the Broncos were in the running to win some sort of bowl? Weren't broncos a kind of cow? Cows did need bowls to drink from, but you'd think their owners would have bought them already. Muggles made no sense. He tried to listen as Lily smirked at him and dropped her voice, walking into the kitchen with that fellytone thing. He grinned slightly as he lowered his paper. Scorpius Malfoy had a sudden craving for toast.

Lily giggled slightly as she applied balm on Scorpius' burned hand. He WOULD jam his hand into the toaster along with the bread, in an effort to shove it into the slot. Stan had been alarmed at the loud male yell interrupting their conversation, and Lily found herself smiling almost against her will at her blond friend's pout.

"Merlin, Scor, didn't you get an O in muggle studies? How did you not know that only _bread_ goes in a toaster?"

'It wouldn't go down.. how was I supposed to know there was a little lever thing? Besides, our muggle studies exam was on muggle cinema'

"Oh, I forgot, you had Creevey teaching your year" Lily rolled her eyes. She liked uncle Dennis well enough but he was a _little_ bit biased in what he taught his classes. Besides, his daughter was a complete and total prat.

'Well not all of us grew up with the great Arthur Weasley' Scorpius grinned slightly at Lily's smile. He knew she was proud of her grandparents. If he had known all it was going to take to ease the tension of the last two days was burning his hand, he would have stuck his whole arm in the bloody toaster the minute they got back from the mountains. He winced as Lily dabbed a slightly raw patch of exposed skin on his palm, 'Bloody hell, Lils. I DO need that hand'

"Quit being such a baby, Scor" Lily rolled her eyes. "Why can't you just heal the thing, anyway?"

'Remember the time I tried to heal Albus' arm after that quidditch accident?'

Lily stifled a laugh. Her brother had been in the hospital wing for a week, when the injury would have been healed instantaneously by Madam Patil. Hannah Longbottom had spent hours berating Scorpius as they sat by Albus' bedside – which was amusing, as Lily's best friend was usually red and/or silent whenever her brother was awake.

"You must have improved since then – Merlin, Scor, you're supposed to be the best curse breaker Gringotts has"

'Curses, Lils, not flesh wounds' Scorpius smirked slightly as Lily blew gently on his hand before wrapping it up in gauze. He wasn't going to mention that basic healing spells were taught in their first week of training. Malfoys may be cowards at times, but they certainly did know when to keep their mouths shut.

AN: SORRY for the long delay. I'm pretty crazily busy at the moment and trying to keep multiple fics alive. I'll prioritize which fics to update first by the reviews I get, so PLEASE let me know what y'all think. I'm going to include more Albus in the coming chapters, I've been neglecting him WAY too much in most of my fics. And my muggle guest stars too. Have a good week!


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